The Pride and Prejudice of Challenging Anything Gay
I fully support gay rights–not just marriage. Spousal support, insurance claims, disability payouts, medical and employment benefits and the like. All of it, everything. I always have. I never saw it as anything different than supporting their right to live as free with their partners of choice, as I did with whichever woman I was with at the time.
I’ve never veered from that. Nor will I.
Ever.
When my children were old enough to understand the difference between straight (oh, how I despise that descriptive) and gay, I explained those differences, delicately, and left it at that. My eldest daughter is classmates–and friends, with the loveliest little girl, whose high profile mom and other mom are equally terrific. Two of my son’s favorite teachers are gay. My youngest daughter, who just turned seven, once explained that her new friend at school had “two dads” and that she wondered if that was okay with me because it was certainly okay with her. I smiled and nodded approvingly.
They are friends to this day. One of the dads and I occasionally pistol shoot together at the same range.
Exposing my children to another way of living, never affected their own, now obvious feelings. It only provided them with a mature and encouraging perspective–theirs, since none of them appear to be anything but extremely interested in the opposite sex–yes, including the little one.
Perhaps as adults, some of us could learn from this. Some of us…and awfully quickly, before the riots begin.
I guess I’ve never been able to fathom why there is this big issue with those that are no different from me, except that they like to share their affections with same sex partners.
A group of us, all former classmates at UBC, lived with a gay friend back in the 90s. We celebrated life together–and often. We were great pals. Terry came out just after we all moved into a house off Harwood in the West End, and, devastatingly quickly died of AIDS soon after informing us of his illness. This was in an era when fear and loathing of ‘alternative lifestyles’ (I can’t stand that phrase) was at its zenith. HIV/AIDS was an opaque killer, with victims dying in a year, while others over several. Magic Johnson’s plight was fresh in our collective minds. Utterly despicable human beings like Anita Bryant and that miserable cretin Jerry Falwell were still part of the public consciousness and the future successes of drugs like Interferon were as murky as the planet’s future.
We were all dying of a ‘gay disease’. Head for the hills! They must be stopped! It’s God’s will!!!
You’ll remember the nonsense, I’m sure.
I didn’t get it, and I still don’t get it; perhaps I’m naive or just plain dumb, but I’m as perplexed today as I was when I was holding Terry’s hand at St. Pauls, while he gently slipped away. None of our other roommates were there. They were afraid. In fact, Terry’s AIDS ruined the living arrangements–according to yet other friends, who didn’t give a sniff about understanding the pandemic. Terry’s very wealthy and venerated father, now deceased, and a former Ontario judge, refused to come to the funeral. He was ashamed, and wrote me acordingly in the first of his two letters. The second, not anywhere near nasty–or confused as the first, he penned one week before his own death; thanking me for not letting his son die alone.
Terry died, indeed, with no one there–except me. I didn’t want him to be alone. And he wasn’t.
I still miss him: the big laugh, the gentle way, his deftness at sensing my pain. He never once even joked about being anything but friends. I was never threatened, he was never anything but respectful–and respected by me and anyone that saw him as a man–not as gay.
Wouldn’t the world be better off if the gay community didn’t begin any introduction with the verbiage of marginalization. We are men and women, first. With values and feelings. We love, we care. We cry, we laugh.
To this day, I’m at a loss as to why there is still this incredible hatred against the very pertinent LGBTQ community, regardless of self-defeating monikers against their haters, like ‘homophobia’ (a contrived slander, which remains factually incorrect). I’ve never seen anyone running in fear (phobia is from the Ancient Greek meaning “fear”) from anyone gay. However, in the latter years of their struggle for legitimacy and respect, I find myself equally alarmed at the rapidly growing hatred by the gay lobby (not to be confused with gays themselves) who truly hate non-supporters–blind supporters, with equal venom.
I will NEVER understand the haters–on either side. Why must everyone be fully supportive of anything and everything gay? We certainly don’t support everything heterosexual.
In America, the President of the restaurant chain Chick-fil-A, Dan Cathy, has been under fire recently, for having the gall (insert cynicism, here) to suggest his support of traditional marriage. Perhaps not the swiftest move when you’re a national ambassador for a restaurant chain, but he was firm.
And fair.
What’s the problem? He wasn’t like Rev. Phelps and the obliviots of the Westboro Baptist Church. He didn’t proclaim that “God hates fags.” He didn’t announce that the Lord created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. He simply offered a polite opinion that should offend no one. That Chick-fil-A’s charities might send SOME money to charities that POLITELY support traditional marriage, is as meaningless as the millions Brad Pitt sent to support the failed California proposition in support of same-sex marriage. Should we stop going to Pitt’s movies?
But the haters came out in full force. The daftness of political correctness in full bloom. Calls for Dan Cathy’s head on a stick, bellyaching for retribution against the restaurant chain (if you’ve never eaten there, I highly recommend it–try the Chicken Club, very tasty). Even demands to know where the man vacationed and lived!
Only in America…NOT!
The Pride Parade–with its completely false and embarrassing attendance claims (never challenged by any media) ran through town this weekend. And Charlie Smith, of the ever-gay pandering Georgia Straight, decided to go on a tear–even before the parade.
LEt me sum it up for you: Gregor Robertson used the gay community and because he won’t appear, this is a slight against the community. Cue the deflating balloons, please. Oh yes, and Christy Clark wasn’t going to appear at the parade, but make an appearance and boo-hoo.
Setting aside the obvious, transparent usury of anyone and everything to get re-elected, Robertson somehow matters? Really? He’s just the convenient suit, a puppet for wild-eyed left wing American trust funders that demand we all be punished because we drive cars.
The parade was missing a vacuous, spokesmodel and this is somehow bad?
And let me get this straight (pun intended): A woman who is routinely (and appropriately) excoriated by Smith and his colleagues of the same paper for shameless photo ops, all of a sudden should be turning out for precisely that??? What else would you call the Pride Parade? A celebration of what? Skin tight undergarments, nudity, open-drug use and simulated group sex–the last, being the identical activity that some mile down the parade route they all stop, to essentially decry, while commemorating the lives of those who engaged in the real thing?! This isn’t irony thick as a brick of Dubliner? This isn’t brazen hypocrisy?
Gimme a break!
But again, the comment section of almost all west end publications, railed against Clark before she even appeared. Now, as the Premier’s biggest critic, far be it from me to defend her stupidity of even showing up. She should have stood her ground but didn’t (sound familiar?). She was on vacation and the Pride Parade isn’t being held in the Gulf Islands. She couldn’t make it. So what? She was with her son.
However, what if she didn’t agree with that ‘lifestyle’ or form of love? What if Clark wasn’t comfortable? What if she was pandering to the three conservatives still mindless enough to support her? Whatever the reason, does this mean she’s a hater? Of course not.
In other words, Charlie Smith, whom I’ve learned to appreciate, and others, mean that without appearing for the Parade, we’re all anti-gay?
America’s civil rights movement, in more complicated and violent times, was never this stupid. I’ll spare the feminist movement the ignominy of pointing out just how badly and swiftly they became irrelevant–for employing precisely the same line from the most recent ‘Bush Doctrine’ that the hard left live to excoriate: “If you’re not with us, you’re against us.”
Have we not learned anything from these failures? And why do the gay community leaders in this gin joint still insist on using the word ‘tolerance’ to describe how we should all feel about our gay friends?
I didn’t need to tolerate Terry. I loved him no differently than any of my closest male friends. We were pals.
I tolerate the flu (I am an incessant whiner when I’m sick, even though it doesn’t happen often). I tolerate a rash (on the rare occasion when I suffer through one). I tolerate (and vehemently object to) ‘Real Housewives of Vancouver’ as its degrading and nonsensical plots beam from the master bedroom TV in my home once a week (I usually leave for an hour’s walk and chuckle that there is just as much plastic on my running shoes as there are in their faces–and in their souls).
But why must I ‘tolerate’ anyone gay? Why not ACCEPT them for who they are and embrace them, too. I’m not splitting hairs. You see, the gay community leaders do this to themselves. If they really want on-par relevancy, act like you deserve it. EARN IT. Flamboyancy is one thing, idiocy (and bellyaching) is quite another.
Nevertheless, hate should never be endured, or even allowed, but if we deny respectful people the polite manner with which they express their opposition to homosexuality–and label them prejudiced and haters, then we deny the rest of us the right to appreciate that being gay is a wholly real form of love, which we should absolutely embrace no differently than our own heterosexuality.
I live in hope.
For now.
A beautiful and poignant piece, Alex; I wish all parents were as understanding and accepting as you are.
Just wondering, what was the context of Dan Kathy’s announcement? Did it just come out of the blue or were his donations to particular charities under scrutiny?
I was taught as a child, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it all”.
I cannot fathom that the LGBTQ community still faces the discrimination and prejudice it does. ALL citizens of our nation, barring criminals, deserve equal rights and it shames me that decent, upstanding, contributing members of society continue to be marginalized.
That being said, I respect everyone’s right to his/her opinion; I do not have to respect that opinion. If it doesn’t do anyone or society any good, why not keep it to oneself?
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Yeah, he was apparently being interviewed and supportive of a particular proposition upholding traditional marriage.
Then again, what is that? I’ve done more damage to the word ‘marriage’ than anyone gay. LOL!
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Your piece expresses what a lot of people have been thinking and saying privately. Too many homosexual activists are letting sexuality define homosexuals. This only reinforces stereotypes. Furhtermore, to be considered “:tolerant” by them requires endorsement or advocacy of all of their pecadillos. Failing to do so is labelled “homophobia” which some gay psychiatrists now refer to as a form of mental illness.
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I do not believe in UFC fighting. But I do not have a fear, or phobia, of it.
I do not believe in terrorists who strap bombs to their bodies and blow them up in crowded places. But I do not have a fear, or phobia, toward them, although I likely should.
I don’t believe trampoline should be an Olympic sport. But I don’t have a fear, or phobia of it.
I do not believe in a homosexual lifestyle for my life, but I do not have a fear, or phobia, toward gays. I have some very good friendships with family members, friends, co-workers who are gay. Your sexuality has nothing to do with me, the same as mine is my business.
Homophobia is a catch word that was grabbed out of the air and used to label anyone who didn’t embrace homosexuality. It is a word that, first of all, is incorrect, and secondly denies me the right to my beliefs for my life, the same way gays have vehemently stated they are denied the right to their beliefs and way of life.
It can’t be both ways.
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Someone sees the hypocrisy and isn’t afraid.
Bless you.
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I try not to focus on the negative. I openly admit that I have Womensbeachvolleyballphilia.
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great post alex.
the pride movement has lost its way.
the pride parade is now about mass marketing and politics
the leadership of the community are turning in to the very type of people they fight against.
yes alex pride has sold out.
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Thank you. Total agreement.
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A.G.T. This article is well done and I congratulate you on your caringness as a human being. It shows that you have a good grounding in kindness and respect for your fellow man. Your blog as always remains a pleasure to read.— Give them hell tomorrow at 7:00 pm I’m excited and eagerly waiting what’s to come.
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We don’t tolerate people, we love them. Now there are words of wisdom to live by. Thank you Alex
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You’re most welcome.
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——– Luke 10:27 & 28: ———–
The lawyer answered: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind”, and “Love your neighbor as yourself”. “You have answered correctly” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live”.
**************
Your friend (“neighbour”) has benefited from you love of him. Well done, good and faithful servant.
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This is a terrific piece of writing and I agree with all of it. Indeed, especially around here, being gay is as exciting and tolerated as being blonde or left-handed.
As supportive of gay rights as the vast majority of reasonable people are, it’s annoying and sad what’s become of that movement. Hey, gay people, we get it. You’re as tolerated as you’ll ever need and want to be, especially around here. But you don’t need to flaunt this outright irresponsible nonsense that seems to come out every pride weekend. You don’t need to let the truly bizarre weirdos attach themselves to your (now hopelessly overshadowed) cause. Gays against Israel? Really? The only safe haven for gay people in the entire middle east (indeed, there are more gay ARABS in Israel than any other country around there) and some group of anti-semites decides to jump onto the bandwagon and ride along. Pathetic. And that’s just one particular group of pride hijackers.
I wish I could take my little kids down to the parade, but while I’m completely comfortable explaining homosexuality to them (“daddy, what country is the rainbow flag from?”), I’m not prepared to explain the horrific debauchery, drugs and pornographic bullshit that infests our streets.
It’s a real shame.
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The excellent opinion piece Alex.
Total agreement.
It never ceases to amaze me that the Pride Parade is intended to show how proud gays are about their choices and lifestyle.
But it has morphed into a dreadful circus of soft porn to shock the public.
I remember a gay friend of mine shaking his head in absolute embarassment at the actions and lack of clothing at a Parade a few years ago.
The Shock Jocks have hijacked the agenda. The Parade is a mockery of gays and to say so publicly is to be hounded and berated by the politically correct sheep that bleat the message of their brand of “tolerance”.
35 years ago the Pride Parade was needed to give a voice to an underground society that deserved to be heard. The Parade has gotten bigger since then, not better.
I refuse to
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Alex exposing your children to members of a degenerate sex cult? I thought you were smarter than that. These “people” are pedophiles who aspire to have sex with children. They are a disgrace to humanity. My child will NEVER be allowed to be in the company of queers without me there to supervise. You are a degenerate for promoting this sick behaviour.
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…wow….. it lives…..
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…Yup..Godlesszilla….the dinosaur.
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You see Alex, this is an example of homophobia. While I don’t like th word that much, I feel that you need a word to describe a person like this who under certain circumstances would have no qualms about beating up a gay person or even killing them. This has happened in Vancouver on more than one occasion. I don’t see any diference between this and peole who go our and kill Jews or Blacks just because they are Jewish or Black. As for the person who said that Israel is the most tolerant of gays in the middle east, yes that is true, but only in Tel Aviv. The gays against Israel are likely against the foreign policy of Israel, like lots of other peoole, rather than its toleration of gays.
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A troll perhaps?
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I’m not sure if you’re being sarcastic and looking for attention or just really confused.
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More like bat shit crazy.
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Wow! People who are gay are pedophiles.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen the statistic that says that most sexual crimes committed against children are man on boy or woman on girl. It fact, I believe that in order for you to assert that gay=pedophile, ALL sexual crimes against children would have to be same sex.
Huh. I’m pretty sure that’s not the case.
To believe what you believe with evidence suggesting otherwise must make joe=weak-minded.
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You’re generosity is overwhelming.
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dear alex,
that was a very moving piece that you have written and sadly, there are too many “joes” in this world. he might have to give his head a shake for he would have to be everywhere in order to “supervise” his child. these folks are our doctors, our lawyers, our nurses, our military, artists, scientists, teachers, writers, etc. etc. it is shameful that people of “joes” ilk are so busy being hateful that they miss out on truly wonderful friendships. my neighbours were palliative care nurses, caring and compassionate, just wonderful people, excellent nurses and very good friends. it is too bad that the “joes” of this world are allowed to spawn as they raise hateful, spiteful people just like themselves thus continuing the cycle. we can only hope that his “child” will rise above the vitriolic views spewed by the father and become a better person for it.
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Has the Pride Parade totally sold out? You bet it has. It’s still a fun event for some but I sure wouldn’t be bringing kids to see it.
That aside, I think Pride events will exist as long as there are homophobes, gay bashers, people like Mr. Cathy out there denouncing the LGBTQ community for their very existence. We as a society have come a long way in accepting and even embracing the gay community but it makes me upset that people still have to deal with, and in some cases, even fear the haters out there.
Some of my best friends are gay. I love my friends for who they are, not who they love. I want them to be happy. I want them to never have to worry about walking down the street holding their partner’s hand.
And I will always be there for my friends regardless.
Bless you, AGT, for being there for your friend Terry. Your kindness in his last days probably meant more to him than you know.
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I am very rarely moved to comment on what I read on the web….I have no expertise in language, politics, current events etal….
I am totally moved by your genuine thoughts regarding the “gay” issue…
I guess that what I am trying to relay is that… I sense a total sponaneity to your writing…and the thoughts within…I suspect that you never stopped to reflect but carried on writing….
Congratulations and total Respect for your talent..
I’m happy that I inadvertently came across your site some months ago…
Keep Sluggin Sluggo….
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Thank you. I appreciate your kind words and loyalty to my work. Welcome!
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I have always failed to see why who you love or sleep with is so important. Why you sleep with someone might be an issue, but I digress.
Your actions and what is in your heart is what makes you who you are. My sexuality has so little to do with who I am. There is so much more to me than that. And there is so much more to the people I know who happen to sleep with someone who is of the same gender. I don’t think of them as “gay”, I think of them as kind-hearted (or not), intelligent (or not), sweet (or not), had-working (or not), humourous (or not) ……..
What’s the big deal?
But seriously, when did being gay turn into barely dressed and over-sexed? I don’t recall observing any of that behaviour from my gay/lesbian friends, colleagues, or acquaintances. I guess it helps “sell” parades.
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Total and complete agreement.
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@Heartlands Teacher:
I must say, I hope and pray that there are more teachers such as yourself, because your comment above is spot on.
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I always wonder what’s going on in people’s heads. As a person who’s mother is gay, I get a lot of a questions about how I feel about it. Well, I don’t want to think about my mom’s sex life no matter what gender she’s sleeping with! Someone’s sexual needs and likes and wants are so personal and quite frankly I know a lot kinkier “straight” people.
Now clowns, that’s a whole different story… I fully admit that phobia
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You are a gem Alex.
The Pride Parade is around for many reasons. It is there to show GLBT youth that they are not alone. (Young gay people still have a higher incidence of suicide than non gay youth.) It is also there for solidarity & diversity. Has it been hijacked by big business? Yes. Unfortunately, it costs a hell of a lot to put on a parade. These big businesses are sponsors. Can the parade be a bit lude? Yes. However, it also is a lot of fun. It would be stretching it quite a bit to say that the whole lot of people/floats were over doing it!
I kind of wonder about the sex in your face thought process. Non gay people forget that gay people live in a world dominated by “straight” (I agree that it is a weird term) advertising, television, films etc.. They see straight people kissing each other and not garnering even a glance. It is in their faces all of the time. This is one day out of 365 days in which the GLBT community can express. Just one day. This is also one parade day that people can choose not to attend. There are a lot of other events in the year to attend. You can teach your children about diversity, love, sexuality any way you see fit. It is OK.
Bless you Alex for this very thought provoking blog!
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Such an interesting post. Full agreement. Shake my head in sadness with some of the hater comments. Stayed at a B&B once the proprietor wouldn’t allow gays as they might be “contagious.” when I tried to explain that HIV/AIDS wasn’t transmittable via air, water taps, or toilet seats. I was told that just being in the same room could infect you. This was in 2007 BTW. They were mad that they, as business owners couldn’t under BC business rules, just ban or refuse service to gay people. At the end of the day I wished they could advertise their prejudice, I wouldn’t have stayed there. It ruined what had up until then been a wonderful stay.
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There have been several B&Bs fined by Human Rights for refusing gay couples. The most recent one was just a few months ago. If B&Bs and guest houses open for business they have to realize that they can’t discriminate.
We operated a B&B for quite a few years and had many gay couples stay with us and some were the nicest guests we had.
Great writing Alex!
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Thbank you. I despise the HRC. They’re a kangaroo court of first order. The courts are a better option.
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You have reinforced my faith in humanity again. God bless!
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“hate should never be endured, or even allowed,”
You would criminalize an emotion? Frightening.
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Hate speech!
Don’t take my comments out of context please.
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And what sort of star chamber/kangaroo court would decide what expressed “hate” and not merely (for now, of course) distaste, disapproval, disagreement …
And once Pandora’s contextual box is wide open, what sort of penalties would be involved?
‘You know, we have ways to make you talk nice.”
You’re going to need a lot of camps. Again.
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No, not at all. It’s simple. In fact, elementary.
‘God hates fags’ is hate speech. Clearly.
‘I support traditional marriage’ isn’t.
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When discussing which politician shows up to what and why, it gets a little tricky. Espy when it comes to the Pride Parade.
Sure, the Vancouver Pride Society has turned the event into a commercial free-for-all, but I’d argue having to pay almost $100k to the city in policing costs is probably what drove that decision.
Make no mistake, despite the corporate sponsorship, pride is still a protest. We may not look like the rent-a-protesters who show up to vent frustration at everything. We may not look like the Occupy Vancouverites who don’t even know what they want. We may not look like the hipster bicycle riding morons in the critical mass monthly road-choking parade.
But we are protesting.
We show our support of people in countries where GLBTQ rights have not evolved as they have in Canada. We show our appreciation of the rights we enjoy here. And we remind everyone that any attempt to trample on our human rights will be met with swift opposition. That, by definition, is a protest.
If you want to see the corporate sponsorship disappear, let’s put a little pressure on Gregor & Co. to stop charging pride for policing costs. Occupy Vancouver ate up many more civic resources than pride has and they didn’t pay a thin dime (even though they were taking donations and had a bank account).
Pride is a protest. Pride will always be a protest.
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A super perspective. Thank you.
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Hey Alex,
I was at the Pride Parade last weekend and you’re right about one thing, the attendance was far less than it was in previous years. However, interestingly enough, Christy Clark was there. About an hour before the parade began, just long enough to take a few pictures with a few supporters, and then shortly afterward, disappearing into the abyss. I was standing at Denman and Beach Ave. at the time. She was not in the actual parade, though Hedy Fry and Adrian Dix were.
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Thanks for this, Chris. Much appreciated.
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I tried to comment here a while ago, and as I don’t see my comment, obviously it wasn’t accepted. I’ll try wording it differently as I’m basically disliking the hypocrisy of the whole thing.
If a bunch of “caucasians” had a “White pride” event, it would immidiately be deemed racist, without even bothering to find out what it was going to be about. Yet all over the continent, there are Black Pride events.
There are bunches of “womens” events like – “take back the night” – that automatically – if you’re male, you’re the problem regardless of who or what you are. Having that “Y” (male) chromosome automatically makes you the scum of the earth.
If they took back the night last year, what did they do with it that they have to take it back again this year?
I think if a bunch of “non-gay” folk put on a public parade or picnic to celebrate their “straight” sexuality or what seems (statistically) normal for families – the word “homophobic” would be exhausted rather quickly, and you would see all sorts of denigrating behaviour towards the group hosting the “straight” celebration.
Why is it OK for one small segment of society, but not for the rest?
If this is also unacceptable as a post, then I give up.
JK
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Didn’t see your previous post.
Because if it was as highly sensible as this one, I would have surely approved it!
Well said!
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